


Shame

by orphan_account



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Humor, Interrupted Seduction, Kissing, M/M, Nudity, Peralta Cockblock, Romance, aftermath of s6 ep7 "honeypot"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24686599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “The next time this happens,” Kevin murmured in his ear, with a voice that was capable of seducing sirens, “I want you to remember what you have waiting for you at home.  I want you to look at those younger men and laugh in their faces when you send them away.  Make sure they know there is nothing they can give you that you cannot find right here, in this bed, with your husband.”
Relationships: Kevin Cozner/Ray Holt
Comments: 8
Kudos: 97





	Shame

Raymond turned the key in the lock and stepped into his own home like a man walking into a war-zone. The silence pressed in on him as he went through the motions of setting down his keys and wallet and removing his shoes. “I am home,” he called. “Kevin?”

Nothing. No answering greeting, no footsteps moving in his direction. Raymond sighed and closed his eyes briefly. He was not accustomed to feeling shame—it was practically a foreign emotion, one that he ruthlessly weeded out early in his life when it became clear that it would only hold him back. But oh, Raymond felt it now. It roiled in his gut and left a bitter taste in his mouth, it whispered to him insidiously that he might as well turn around and slink back out the door, like the worthless, unfaithful husband he was.

…well, not _technically_ unfaithful. By the laws of God and society, Raymond had done nothing wrong. Nothing that hundreds of thousands of other men had not done before him. Just hired an incredibly attractive assistant, treated that same assistant to a harmless, and yet sexually-charged, afternoon at a museum, and then come home to his loving husband of many years reeking of barrels and sin.

Bleakly, he wondered who would get the dog in the divorce. Maybe Kevin would be benevolent enough to allow him visitation rights every other weekend.

“Kevin, are you here?” Raymond called out again. He glanced into the kitchen, the dining room and living room as he passed, but found no trace of Kevin. Dread began to sink in as he climbed the stairs, suddenly worried that maybe Kevin had already packed his bags and gone, but Raymond couldn’t let himself believe it yet. Their marriage had survived much worse arguments than this. Surely all would be forgiven in time, after Raymond had groveled enough and spent a few nights in the guest bedroom. And the next time Raymond hired an assistant, he would make sure to choose the ugliest one he could find. Or better yet, a woman. No chance of temptation there, no matter how heavy her breasts.

On the way to the master bedroom, he took a brief detour to the office to stow his gun and holster in the safe. The sight of Cheddar, sprawled out fast asleep on the rug with his little legs in the air, was reassuring. Maybe all hope was not lost and Raymond’s future was not one of loneliness and misery and drowning himself in work to forget how much he ached inside for the love of his life.

“Kevin?”

“In here, Raymond.”

That had come from the master bedroom. Easing out a sigh, Raymond crossed the hall. “Will you please talk to me? The honeypot is dealt with, you do not need to worry…”

He stopped in the doorway and gawked. “Oh my _God_.”

Kevin took a long sip from his glass of red wine and regarded him with a single raised eyebrow. As if Raymond had not just walked in to find the lights off, the curtains drawn, and his husband seated on the edge of the bed surrounded by candles and rose petals. And while he would normally be rolling his eyes at the cliché and feeling some concern over the open flames, Raymond was currently transfixed by the sight of Kevin dressed in a lavish silk bathrobe and _absolutely nothing else_. No slippers or socks, no matching pajamas, the robe wasn’t even tied properly around Kevin’s waist, which allowed for a tantalizing glimpse of the hollow of his throat. And those _legs_ , by God, they were bare all the way up to his thighs, it would be the simplest thing to slide his hand up…

Kevin cleared his throat. Raymond snapped his eyes back up, but couldn’t for the life of him close his mouth.

“Hello, Raymond. Welcome home.”

Raymond braced his hand on the doorjamb. “Kevin,” he said, a little breathless. “This… what… what _is_ this…?”

“Only a little reminder,” Kevin said loftily, though Raymond knew him well enough to see the smirk he was trying to hide. Giving the wine one last swirl, he set down his glass and rose, slowly approaching Raymond like a strutting peacock. So sensual and utterly brazen that it made his mouth water. “You’re not the only one in this house who’s irresistible.”

The words were like a gut punch, and his desire chilled just a little. “If this is about Gordon, you do not need to—”

A sudden, searing kiss to his lips made him immediately lose his train of thought. Kevin was wearing a different brand of cologne than usual, something that tickled at Raymond’s senses and reminded him of their younger years, and the sheer novelty of it had him chasing Kevin’s lips when he broke away.

“I’ve forgiven you for that,” Kevin said. He cupped Raymond’s face and looked deep into his eyes, holding him captive with that lusty gaze. “Please don’t mistake my intentions here. I know you would never stray…”

“ _Never_.”

“…but I also cannot deny the simple facts. You are a very attractive man, Raymond, and I doubt this will be the last time some young _twink_ decides to throw himself at you.”

Raymond never had a chance to respond as he was dragged by his tie across the threshold and firmly pushed down flat on the bed.

“I cannot stop others from desiring you,” Kevin said, blithely straddling him like this was an every day occurrence, “but I can make damn sure they think twice before trying to come between us.”

He untied the robe, and Raymond goggled. No undergarments. Not a single stitch. This was _unprecedented_. “Oh my God,” he groaned. “Kevin…”

“The next time this happens,” Kevin murmured in his ear, with a voice that was capable of seducing sirens, “I want you to remember what you have waiting for you at home. I want you to look at those younger men and laugh in their faces when you send them away. Make sure they know there is _nothing_ they can give you that you cannot find right here, in this bed, with your husband.”

Raymond nodded, panting like a dog. As Kevin leaned down to kiss him again, and to no doubt initiate a night of senseless, animalistic passion, he vaguely became aware of a tinny voice screeching from his pocket. Kevin seemed to hear it too and pulled back with a frown, reaching down to dig Raymond’s cell phone from his pocket.

“ _—stop, stop, we can hear you, stop—!_ ”

“Peralta?” Raymond said in disbelief. “Is that you?”

“ _Oh, thank God, you heard me!_ ” Peralta exclaimed. “ _Sorry, so very sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I think you butt-dialed Amy by accident? She saw your number and thought it was an emergency, so she put it on speaker, and uhhhh…_ ”

He and Kevin looked at each other, the mortification sinking in.

“… _you know, it only just occurred to me that I could have hung up without saying anything and you would never have known?_ ” Peralta laughed in that painfully embarrassed, I’ve-just-realized-I’m-an-idiot, tone that was a sadly common occurrence for him. “ _Haha, okay, cool cool cool, I’m gonna do that now and go check on my wife, I think she’s hyperventilating? Yep, that’s hyperventilating, that’s probably bad, I should get her a paper bag or… something. ‘Night, sir! ‘Night, Kevin! Let’s talk about this never, sound good? Okay, bye~!_ ”

And the call ended. Raymond covered his face with both hands and discovered, to his dismay, that there existed a whole new level of shame which made the previous iterations seem like mere preludes. The thought of walking into the precinct tomorrow and trying to look his two best subordinates in the eye without spontaneously combusting on the spot…

“Well,” Kevin said, two bright spots of color blooming on his cheeks. “I would say ‘shall we proceed’, but I don’t think there is _any_ way to come back from that.”

Raymond chuckled, the hopeless and slightly hysterical sound bubbling out of him quite without permission. And once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop, clutching weakly at Kevin’s waist and sitting up to bury a laugh in his shoulder.

“We can never invite them over again,” Kevin said urgently. “I’m serious, Raymond, I won’t be able to hold a civil conversation. I’ve never been more humiliated! Will they tell everyone at the precinct? Is your reputation at stake? Stop laughing, this is a very serious matter! There’s a _reason_ why we have a rule about technology in the bedroom!”

Raymond only shook his head, still grinning like a fool. A fool in love, he thought as he drew back just enough to look at the love of his life. His brilliant and wonderful husband, who was still capable of making Raymond’s heart flutter even in the midst of a scolding. No honeypot in the world could compare.

“I love you, Kevin Cozner.”

“Well, of course I love you too, Raymond, but I’m trying to make a point here—”

Raymond kissed him, still smiling against his lips and utterly failing to suppress the occasional chortle.

**Author's Note:**

> (Is it even possible to make butt-dials on modern smart phones? Whatever, who cares! It's fanfic, I do what I want.)


End file.
